What’s wrong with children with internet addiction? Parents and society are used to judging surmise from the perspective of adults, but rarely listen to the real thoughts of "Internet addiction teenagers".
Recently, the reporter interviewed nearly 10 teenagers with relevant information. More than half of the children said that the so-called "Internet addiction" is a way for them to escape the pressure of reality.
As early as 2005, this newspaper reported that some children were "forced" into Internet cafes by their parents. The report quoted the latest research results of experts at that time, pointing out that the bad family relationship model has become an important fuse for teenagers’ "Internet addiction". Under the "double attack" of school and family, children seeking spiritual liberation are "forced" to enter Internet cafes to drown their sorrows.
From being "forced" into the Internet cafe to being "forced" close to the mobile phone. More than 10 years have passed, and the great progress of communication technology has made it more convenient for people to contact the internet, and it has also made the internet more attractive to children objectively. Children with internet addiction don’t need to walk into Internet cafes, so they can immediately enter the "addiction" state with a mobile phone. In September this year, Lin Lu, academician of China Academy of Sciences and president of Peking University Sixth Hospital, pointed out that half of the children have problems such as relationship with their parents, school work, attention deficit disorder, anxiety or depression behind their heavy dependence on the Internet. According to statistics, the incidence of teenagers’ over-dependence on the Internet is 6% all over the world, but it is slightly higher in China, approaching 10%.
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Xiao Xu grabbed the mobile phone, snapped it, and lost it. In a rage, he chose to run away from home … …
Before the Spring Festival this year, my father saw Xiao Xu, a sophomore, playing games with his mobile phone. In addition, he found that he was in puppy love, and he was so angry that he clashed with his son.
The relationship between Xiao Xu and his parents has also broken down. He chose to run away from home, do odd jobs during the day, go to Internet cafes at night and go home occasionally. When his parents found him, the more educated he was, the more disgusted Xiao Xu was. "I don’t know why, I am very annoyed with them, and I won’t listen to what they say."
After a long chat, Xiao Xu trusted the reporter before talking about his "life experience". He used to be a left-behind child, his parents worked in Guangzhou, and he lived in Nanchang with his grandparents. As the eldest grandson of the family, grandpa dotes on him very much, and one third of his pension is spent on him.
It was not until he was in the second grade of primary school that his parents came back to take care of him. Xiao Xu told reporters that his parents suddenly went home, which made him uncomfortable. On the one hand, parents don’t know about their own growth and don’t know how to educate their children at all. On the other hand, they only care about their grades, and if they don’t get good grades, they will beat and scold them. The rude education method is hard for him to accept.
In elementary school and junior high school, Xiao Xu was able to compromise, but in high school, he couldn’t agree with his parents’ ideas, and the parent-child relationship broke down.
"I don’t have Internet addiction, that is, my personal self-control is relatively poor and I don’t want to face my parents." Xiao Xu explained.
In the interview, the reporter found that this group of teenagers have two things in common: first, the children were identified by their parents as having "Internet addiction", but they denied it; Second, the society changes rapidly, and children grow up rapidly, but the family education concept of parents is relatively stagnant. Once the relationship between the two sides deteriorates and children choose to escape from their families, the most "convenient" channel and means is to indulge in the Internet.
Used to be a left-behind child: only by being an anchor can you find friends.
The thin bear’s eyes show melancholy. Although he is less than 14 years old, his voice sounds like an adult, and it doesn’t matter if he has a little Jianghu atmosphere. He said that his parents left him the deepest impression that his father came back from other places on his birthday a few years ago, and his father divorced his mother after a family of three got together and ate the birthday cake.
He "spent his childhood quarreling with his parents". The primary school curriculum is simple, and his grades are good. In the fifth and sixth grades, he ignored his parents’ quarrels, picked up his mobile phone and played games, choosing to be isolated from the world. In junior high school, his grades dropped from the top of his class to the bottom, just like his confidence in life, which plummeted.
In the eyes of his parents, he is a typical "Internet addiction teenager". After coming back from school, he finishes his homework, takes a nap, gets up at one or two o’clock to play with his mobile phone, plays until three or four o’clock, and then continues to sleep.
Tinnitus, dizziness, listlessness … … Long-term overdraft health, the body lit up a red light, bear also knows that this is not appropriate, but why do you do this? He gave a surprising reason — — Make money.
"Doing live games to make money, I want to be independent as soon as possible. I don’t have Internet addiction." He calculated an account for the reporter. After a month, he usually earned several hundred yuan and more than 1,000 yuan.
In fact, the financial conditions of Bear’s parents are not bad. His father is a public official and his mother has a job. He usually lives with his grandmother and doesn’t have to worry about his daily expenses. Why is he so eager for money?
"Making money is to lend money to friends." Xiao Xiong said that after his parents divorced, their academic performance was not good, and they would beat and scold him at any time. At home, he had no one to talk to. In his own words, "I can’t find a bosom friend." At this point, he couldn’t stop sobbing and then cried.
"This society is very realistic! Since my poor academic performance, there have been fewer friends in school. " He said that although he knows that money can’t buy friends, once he doesn’t give money, the new friends will disperse and the friendship will not last long. But he also values this feeling of having friends for a while.
Compared with going to school, the role of the game anchor attracted him more. Hundreds of people listened to his explanation, others brushed gifts for him, some paid attention to it, and some praised it. The virtual scene made him feel safe and warm.
What is the meaning of life? Not interested in reading, he designed his own way out is to engage in the anchor industry. He said: "Being an anchor relieves my pressure, I can relax and chat, and I can make money and be satisfied."
If parents’ attitude improves, can they study hard again? Facing this question, the bear was silent for a while and replied, "I don’t know if I can go back."
Outsiders will mistakenly think that teenagers who are addicted to the internet will be more naive. In fact, in the course of the interview, the reporter found that some of the children, like bears, are very thoughtful and sensitive, and even show maturity beyond their age. In the final analysis, the life experience of left-behind children makes them lack love for a long time.
Children in exam-oriented education: I don’t know how to deal with subtle emotional problems
Handsome Hu Ningning doesn’t talk much and likes to laugh. He is a college student in a famous university in Southwest China. In the eyes of parents, he has typical symptoms of "Internet addiction". He said that he began to skip class in his freshman year, and then he didn’t understand the course, so he played games and watched cartoons in the dormitory.
During the in-depth communication, he revealed the secret information in his heart — — He’s gay. The "Internet addiction problem" encountered also stems from a failed same-sex friend-making during college.
"When I was in adolescence, I found that I liked the same sex. At that time, I was particularly scared. I felt that this was wrong and I kept suppressing myself." Hu Ningning said that the pace of junior high school learning was tense and he didn’t think much about it.
When he arrived at the university, Hu Ningning joined the gay friends group, where he met a junior and began to associate. Later, the two rented a house and lived together. "I often lost my temper, stayed together for half a year, often quarreled, and finally broke up."
He talked about this relationship, and for more than a year, he didn’t come out, waited for redemption, and considered suicide. Without a friend to talk to, he didn’t know how to deal with it, so he had to play games to avoid emotional failure.
Indulging in games and not attending classes, the teacher also tried to persuade, but in vain, he had to call his parents. Later, he chose to take a year off school.
"My relationship with my parents is particularly poor and conflicts often occur." Hu Ningning said that the most unbearable thing for him to lock himself in the house and play games during the day is his parents’ nagging.
He feels that his parents have a utilitarian side. In the past, he only asked for good academic performance and was admitted to the university, so he could change his fate. Everything else didn’t matter. He doesn’t have to touch the housework, and he is not allowed to associate with students with poor grades. As long as he is immersed in his studies, everything will be fine.
In the face of utilitarian doting, he will also please his parents with excellent grades. Invisible, he found that the price he paid was low living ability and fragile emotional problems. He lacks basic resilience rather than emotional failure.
In this not-so-rich family, his parents set up a greenhouse to care for him, but in exchange, he hated his parents.
Children without fatherly love: curious about the pursuit of the opposite sex
Luo Xiao, a 15-year-old girl from Zhejiang, said, "If you don’t wear makeup, there is no point in living.". She is tall and looks seventeen or eighteen. When she was 5 years old, her parents divorced, and since then she has lived with her grandmother. In the eyes of her family, this is a difficult child to discipline.
Her greatest pleasure lies in putting on makeup, playing live broadcast, recording small videos, interacting with friends, drinking milk tea, shopping and singing in KTV. What she can’t stand is going to school and feeling bored.
Once, my mother was in a hurry, locked her in the house and ordered her not to go out. Luo Xiao couldn’t hold it any longer and climbed down the fourth floor from the window. "Bad girl" is a label that others once labeled her.
Many boys in the society pursue Luo Xiao. She said, "This is a happy thing". Her criteria for choosing love are simple. She likes a boy who can take care of people and must be handsome.
At the age of thirteen, Luo Xiao had sex with a boy for the first time. Counting, there are about 20 boys who have been in contact, ranging from two months to one or two days. At this point, her expression did not show any shyness.
The conflict with my mother finally broke out. Mother found a group of friends, stopped Luo Xiao and pulled her to leave. Luo Xiao didn’t agree, and her mother cried and begged her to "stop fooling around outside". Luo Xiao was sitting in the car, and her mood collapsed. She shouted at her friend who was driving, "Leave her alone and run into it!"
It’s not easy for Luo Xiao to know his mother. However, after the parents divorced, my father remarried and left her alone. My mother was busy with business and had little chance to meet each other. She was given 100 yuan pocket money every day. She never had a chance to talk with her parents, and she didn’t feel a little warmth.
Deep down, she doesn’t agree with her mother’s discipline, for example, her mother won’t let her cross her legs, "but she can’t do it herself." Luo Xiao also tried to question his mother’s answer: "Adults can, but children are not allowed."
Luo Xiao did not agree: "She can’t do what she wants from me. Why should I do it?"
Girls who are addicted to the internet have almost the same life experience — — Dad has been away for a long time, lacking father’s love and social support, and they are in contact with boys with a curious attitude. Their understanding of love is vague, and they seek care from the opposite sex by imitating adults.
(The names in this article are all pseudonyms.)
China Youth Daily Zhongqing Online Reporter Zhang Zheng
